kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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