would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You can't motorboat a personality
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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