Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
