i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
