The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
