watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize