sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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