Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
