you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
