It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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