Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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