we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
