hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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