You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
