There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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