I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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