dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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