We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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