I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
