i think i have two assholes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
