After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
