this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
