nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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