I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize