Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
