Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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