And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
