I must be too annoying 4 u.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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