u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
