My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
