I want to make a zoo with you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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