Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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