You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
