so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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