he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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