no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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