pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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