Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
