Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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