So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
