I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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