The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
