There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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