oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
