Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
