hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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