my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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