You just made me feel so damn special
there's paper in my vomit.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
