If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
