There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize