Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
