we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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