I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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