Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
