Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
