wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize