So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
