do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
