Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize