She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
