some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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