dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
