I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just pee around me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize