State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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