party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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