Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
