well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
