Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
