just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sarcasm needs its own font
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
