just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
