I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
