i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
