I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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