the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
