What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize