I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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