So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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