So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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