I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
