he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
