this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
