Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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