The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
